A colleague and I were having one of our Talk Story Cafe visits recently, talking shop about how our lives have shifted since publishing our books. We were sharing about how having lived the lives we needed to live, to write the books we were inspired to write, has confronted us with having written books which hold us accountable for living our lives walking the talk with integrity.
“Oops. I guess we didn’t read the fine-print on that soul contract.”
At one point in our discussion, I was sharing about finding myself at times overwhelmed with how many people, some of them major players in my life, were self-selecting out of my daily life experience. A recovering fixer-pleaser-caretake, this shift was intense and uncomfortable for me. However, it was the sense of profound liberation I was tapping into which had caught me by surprise.
In my book At-One-Ment, Reclaiming Our Humanity, we are invited to consider, explore, and develop a relationship with the powerful NO (Chapter Ten, pg131). I identified how this shift in my behavior had me aligning with a healthier way of engaging, and not engaging, with the toxic behavior of people in general, and my toxic practice of accommodating and enabling.
Saying No does not mean we don’t care, it means we are not willing and available to engage in accommodating and enabling toxic behaviors which run counter to our health and wellness.–there is a difference between caring about someone (compassion), and carrying someone (enabling). Saying No does not mean withholding love from someone, but, rather, it can be the most loving thing we can do for someone, and ourself. Saying No to accommodating and enabling toxic behavior positions us in unfiltered Love, and in this we can experience the best part of ourself and our experience of someone without having to engage in their toxic behavior, and our toxic reaction. Can we love ourself, and someone else enough to say No to toxic behavior?
Much to my relief and delight, implementing the powerful NO has gifted me the opportunity to choose to appreciate and love people without having to take on their crap. Consciously and intentionally practicing and implementing the powerful NO as a way of managing myself into alignment with healthier, happier, and more loving relationships with the people already in my life, has also created a clearing for new amazing people to self-select in–a powerful No gift-with-purchase, if you will.